I called
You answered...

And you came to my rescue

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

The ray of sunshine in my otherwise poopy day? David's coming home tonight...for a MONTH. :D

Pregnant? :P

Today, Cara and I jokingly decided that both of us most be pregnant. It was the only way we could survive the day and still laugh a little at what we were going through.

BIZARRE was the only way to describe my day...like...seriously.

Periods 1, 2, and 3 were spent at the middle school practicing for the concert tonight, so that automatically threw off my day.

When we got back, Cara and I went to Stat and both of us were just...BLAGH. Sooooooo out of it...and not in the good way. Like we NEEDED to get out of school. We both needed sleep, DESPERATELY. Sign of pregnancy #1.

Lunch came.

I didn't want to eat. Sign of pregnancy #2.
Cara and I both had incredible mood swings. Sign of pregnancy #3.
The smell of the food around me made me want to throw up. Sign of pregnancy #4.
Both of us just generally felt sick. Sign of pregnancy #5.

Then at the end of the day, Cara had to pee like NO OTHER. Sign of pregnancy #6.

Yupp. That was my day. I was sick, I was loopy, I was tired, I was cranky, I was happy, I was off-balance (gravity wise), I was not interested in food, I was PREGNANT.

Chill Pill

GAH. Life is like this HUGE competition to me...the LITTLEST things I freak out about.

Sheesh...I just need to take a chill pill.

IF you have the time...

...a year worth of my statuses from Facebook!!! (not ALL of them of course...facebook randomly picks them and then I added some of my favorites)

http://apps.facebook.com/my-year-in-status/show.php?i=b87582e61f3b7cd6c03bb6bbdeeab354cb1ff&from=feed_desc

Hair salon?

So this post is gonna be about the highlights of my day today...and me trying to be clever, was thinking of how I could title this and have it relate to 'highlights'...so I was thinking like hair salons and all that...and that's as far as I got, haha! So that be the explanation of the title...

ANYWHO. Highlights of my day!!!

First period I had study hall, so I walk into the cafeteria and go to sit at my usual table with three of my friends from my usual MC class. As I sit down I hear Shannon talking to Rachel B. and saying something like "No one's ever asked me that before...wow, I really appreciate that!" and so I'm kinda of curious but I just sit and take out a book. Rachel B. then turns to me and says "Morning Rachel! How can I pray for you this week?" and I was just FLOORED. Like...it was so AWESOME. Just having someone ask you that question immediately makes you feel cared about and just...so special. I couldn't think of much for me, but Jenny I told her about your brother and so she said she'll pray for him. So yeah...that alone, made my day.

But wait, there's more!

After study hall I had AP Euro, and we're plowing along going through our notes and all that...and all of a sudden, the projector dies. Meaning our notes died as well. After sending out a distress email (Mr. Lawler was SOOOOO upset, in a really funny sort of way) we all sat down and played European History Hangman. How cool is that??? :D

Next highlight...lunch.

Well it was just a goofy, fun day. For SOME REASON JWaz said that Cara was actually David (my David) and joked that if she 'unzipped herself' David would be underneath. So THAT brought up quite the round of laughter and uh...interestingness. :P So lunch was just a whole bunch of fun and laughing a ton and all that...and THEN...I took a drink of Cara's 'vodka' (really just water for all those not at the lunch table :P)...and uh, SOMEHOW...instead of ending up going down my throat, it went out onto my pants, my shirt, DRENCHED the table, and onto Toby who was across from me...YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. So then we were all laughing hysterically at that...hehe. ;D

HEALTH. Health is always so good. :] The highlight today...SECOND BASE. Haha!!! So we're talking about relationships and physical boundaries and all that stuff, and we were split up into groups. There was a question about ages and what limits there should be for each age, and we get to 16, and Mr. Y asks a group of guys what the limit is...and Kevin says, "Second base." Few snickers here and there...but Mr. Y keeps a totally straight face and says, "Second base? Like in baseball?" and the group's like nooooooo...so he says, "Ok...tell me what second base is"...I'm sure all the guys felt SO awkward, but the girls were CRACKING UP. The group of guys turned SO RED and would not say A WORD! Oh goodness... ;D

THEN. CHEM! Our fantastic four (me, Alice, Alexa, and Toby) was joined by Sameer today and it was just a fun time...haha, me and Toby were TOTAL band geeks the entire period. :P At the end of class...we walked out to the hall and then down the stairs in 5/8...like the time signature. So we were like limping...123 12! 123 12! Ahh...fun times. :D

Moral of the story...today was good. :]

Tee hee...

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=4177545141733231204

*jaw drops*

I will be using this as a guide every time before I go on a big trip...

http://www.pelapapas.com.mx/htmls/packing-like-pro-en.html

Yaaaay...pretty dresses!!!

So you know how facebook has those ads and stuff on the side? Well one came up this morning that was for dresses so of course I started looking through... ;D

IT'S FACEBOOK OFFICIAL!!!!!!! ;D

BOO. YAH.

dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it????

rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you" and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes. Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language.

Ideal Mate

Today in Health (love that class!) we had to come up with a list of traits that our "ideal mate" would have. Here's the list that I made:

Ideal Mate

• genuine
• loving
• kind
• Christian
• compassionate
• understanding
• romantic
• tall
• gentleman
• honest
• fun
• passionate
• sense of humor
• can have fun anywhere doing anything
• intuitive
• sensible
• physically fit
• can hold a conversation
• can cook
• appreciative
• respectful
• wants children
• stable job
• puts in effort for things important to them
• able to work through arguments
• attractive
• thinks beyond himself
• patient
• gives compliments
• loyal
• trustworthy
• open about feelings
• good relationship with their mom
• well-kept
• my best friend
• intelligent
• no drugs
• musical
• ambitious
• confident

Now is love.

...more news.

David and I are kinda sorta unofficially back together again. We started talking again a couple weeks ago and we went out to dinner and bowling Saturday night, and then I spent Sunday night at his house with his family.

I've done a whole bunch of thinking about it all...like insane amount. Learned so much...hah...learned that as much as I hate when people say I'm perfect, I secretly want to be and I want them to think I am. So because of that I have trouble admitting when I'm wrong and it's been almost impossible for me to handle critique. Then comes along intuitive David and sees right through everything...and calls me out for what I have to work on. And I shut him down and turn it all around and blame everything on him.

It's so interesting...looking back on situations with a different perspective and seeing how messed up my thinking was at times.

So yeah...after the break up, I went through a couple weeks of being "fine", being angry, and doing everything I could to get him out of my mind/life. Then I realized I missed him. Then I realized I didn't want to miss him, cause that meant hurting. But I couldn't help it. And then the thinking started...and just kept going...hah, it's still going! Then the realization I actually never stopped liking him. Then the realization I never stopped loving him. Then the acceptance he'd moved on and I didn't even deserve him.

Then my surprise when he told me he still loves me too.

Then...now.

Now is happy.
Now is learning.
Now is communication.
Now is smiles.
Now is friendship.
Now is fun.
Now is acceptance.
Now is realizations.
Now is laughing.

Now is love.

Soooo...

...while I'm waiting for Taylor Swift's new album to download on my computer (THANK YOU CARA) I figured I'd do a little updatey post about life and jawn...

Family

• Parents are officially separated, working on the divorce...BUT, this is a good thing, I promise. It's needed and there's no hard feelings and things will just be easier.
• Josh stinks...as always. That boy needs more showers...
• Sanya got her hair cut above her shoulders, SO CUTE!
• Both of them seem to be doing fine with all the parent stuff.
• Going up to New York during Thanksgiving break...all of us, to see Grandma. She's not doing so well...

School

• Usually ok...but this week? UBER STRESSFUL. I don't even wanna take the time to write out everything I have to do. I'll just get overwhelmed if I start thinking about it all.
• More difficult now that I don't have marching band to look forward to.
• I want jazz band and wind ensemble to start!!!

Me

• It's THAT week...so not feeling so great and emotions are all extreme and messed up.
• Found out I really enjoy doing the laundry and dishes...when I put in my iPod and just sing my heart out (especially "Breathe" from In the Heights).
• I've driven to church! I am officially one who drives on the road now. I also drove on the highway last Sunday for the first time...went 75 mph. :D SO MUCH FUN!!!

He is good.

Things are really tight this month...like money-wise. Tighter than they've been in 9 months...and my family has been through a LOT in the last 9 months. My mom wasn't sure how we'd make ends meet...

After school today, she got in her car and found two blank, sealed envelopes. She opened them, and in each was a $50 gift-card to Wawa. She can get gas at Wawa. Those gift-cards are basically $100 cash for us.

As always, God provides. He is good.

Life is good. :D

Once again, Stumble for the win!

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” ~Anthony Robbins

“The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.” ~Alexandra Penney

“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person” ~Wayne Dyer

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” ~Peter Ustinov

“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.” ~Leo Buscaglia

I love pictures with words :D

Love Someone

Powderpuff Football Game

It was cold.
It was fun.
I was a defensive linebacker.
I took two people down.
My name was said over the loudspeader. (:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD)
I saw Soo Jin.
I got dirt all over one side of me.
The game tied.

'Nuff said.

Yes.

THINK...

Instructions for Life

~ Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully ~

~ When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye ~

~ Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely ~

~ Don't judge people by their relatives ~

~ Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions ~

~ In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past ~

~ Pray. There's immeasurable power in it ~

~ Mind your own business ~

~ Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other ~

My Personal Lion King Cast (starring PVMB members!)

Mufasa-Shep
Simba-Tyler K.
Pumbaa-AWaz
Timon-Neiman (these two are PERFECT!)
Rafiki-Soo Jin
Zazu-JWaz
Ed-Jeffrey...the special one ;D

Apostrophe?

I dunno if I had an apostrophe or if I just found a new way to think about something...either way, it's definitely interesting.

Today I went to my old church with my dad since my mom's up in New York. During the Sunday School hour, the high schoolers went up to the Fellowship Hall to have kind of a mixed class with the adults. The class...wasn't too hot, although there was an awesome joke...

*pause for retelling of awesome joke*

A long time ago, two Irish men lived on opposite sides of the river. Every morning, they would go down to the river and shout at each other. Patrick would yell, "Clarence!!! If there wasn't a river between us, I would beat you up!" and Clarence would yell the same thing right back. One day, a covered bridge was built over the river, connecting the two men's land. Sitting in the house, Patrick's wife asked, "Well...there's a bridge, why don't you go over and finally beat up Clarence?" and Patrick says "I'll go down and do it right now!" So he heads off for the bridge. Before he crosses, he looks up, sees a sign, and heads back home. His wife comments, "You're back early..." and he says "I saw a warning sign...it said "CLEARENCE 13 FEET 6 INCHES"...he never looked that tall when he was on the other side of the river..."

*unpause*

After Sunday School was done, Wendy (youth leader when I was in middle school, amazing women, she's been there for me during everything with my parents) came and found me and we just started talking. For like...ten or fifteen minutes we just sat there and had an awesome conversation about everything that's been going on in my life.

At one point, I was telling her that my classes are harder this year and I have more low A's and some high B's and it really bugs me. And she just looked at me and said, "Rachel...God doesn't care about straight A's."

OH. SNAP...

She went on and talked about how God knows the grades I'm gonna get, He knows the college I'll get into, so I don't need to stress about those things...instead, I need to focus my time on Him and my relationship with Him.

That was just like...WOAH...

It was an awesome conversation.

Oh the little things in life that make me giggle...

"If the world suddenly ran out of cheese, he would get down on his hands and knees...to see if someone accidentally some cheese in the dirt. And he would wash it off for you, wipe it off for you, clean that dirty cheese off just for YOU!!!!!!!"

WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!

National Champions...two years in a row...CHYEAH!!!!!!

Today was...amazing.

I had a FANTASTIC performance...like came off the field crying it was so good. Mr. O was so proud of us...and him telling us that is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. So...YEAH. Super hyped up after that. :D

Then we went up for awards...and strangely enough, there wasn't much hype to that. It was just like...ok go up...ok...mhm...we got first place...uh...yeah. Like...we got the huge trophy and shook all the people's hands and got our picture taken, but I didn't feel much...which was odd. Like I was still excited and so happy...it was just subdued or something.

BUT THEN.

THE BUS RIDE HOME.

WAS.

EPIC.

About 10 minutes away from the high school...we got the police/firetruck escort just like last year. But UNLIKE last year...everyone wasn't exhausted. And so the entire ride home..."WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE STILL DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *screaming galore*

Like the energy was AMAZING and EVERYONE was so happy and seeing everyone happy just made me so giddy inside...like, one of THE BEST feelings in the world. :D

Our escort took us right by the football stadium...AND THE FOOTBALL GAME WAS STILL GOING ON. So all the high schoolers there and the football players and the other band were like whipping around when they heard the sirens and we were YELLING  out the windows like crazy! Oh my word it was so hysterical!

Then the rest of the night was more screaming and more happiness and hugging and laughing and amazing feelings...

I love my marching band SO MUCH. :D

Disney Wisdom

"Ah yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it."

Truth is...

"A rather solid list of observational humor that I found amusing"

While I was stumbling (when a sentence begins that way you know it's gonna be awesome) I found a post by someone titled "A rather solid list of observational humor that I found amusing". It made me laugh...so here's my favorites/things that apply to me:

• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

7 Traits of Real Men

"Over the years, I’ve discovered seven traits that real men possess:

Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.


Compassion – Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.


Confidence – Real men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.


Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.


Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.


Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity.


Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal."

I'm doing my Happy Happy Joy Joy dance right now... ;D

...is this fo sho legit?

http://lolsnaps.com/?media_id=609&cat_type=all&order_type=latest&pagenum=1

I love Winnie the Pooh!

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you."

"A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference."

"If it's the thought that counts, why are there fingers?"

"Sometimes the more I think, the more there is no real answer."

"A grand adventure is about to begin."

Once again, my life consists of quotes ;D

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”
- Bruce Lee

“Your friend is the man who knows all about you and still likes you.”
- Elbert Hubbard

“Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.”
- Storm Jameson

Chino Hills

If I hadn't moved back to PA from CA, this is the marching band I would have been in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFZ1YOZmq9g

Inventory...

Right leg:

• HUGE bruise on lower part of leg from gym when I got kicked
• Knee still scarred from jumping off the stage... :P
• Scar above knee from Trolley's party at the beginning of the summer when I sat too close to the bonfire
• SORENESS

Left leg:

• Medium bruise on loewr part of leg from when I fell out of my bus seat after being woken up
• Small bruise above my favorite freckle from...no idea
• SORENESS

Right arm:

• Upper arm sore

Left arm:

• ...nothing!!!

Butt:

• SORENESS...darn you Powderpuff Football...

Uh yeah...I think that about covers everything. :P

The heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground; love turns the whole thing around. No it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good.

Lyrical Autobiography

I seriously could write an autobiography about my life just using lyrics...haha. They are SO awesome...especially when I have a whole bunch of random feelings and finding the exact lyrics that fit what I'm experiencing. YESSSSSS.

Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
It still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you
Saying I'm sorry for that night

Oh Stumble...how you make me laugh sometimes... ;D

“I’m tired of all the nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?”
- Jean Kerr

I'm gonna try this new thing called "honesty"...

So I know the title sounds REALLY bad...but I'll explain.

I don't mean like being honest with other people, I try my hardest to be completely honest with others all the time.

I mean with MYSELF.

I haven't been too honest with myself for awhile. Honest about my feelings...about my flaws...my imperfections...all that. And I'm just starting to embrace all of it, and you know what's happened? I've been learning. I haven't exploded. Being honest with myself hasn't destroyed me.

So yeah...let's give this honesty thing a go.

Funny STORY!!! *slaps table*

Oh my goodness...tonight at the dinner table was AWESOME.

Before dinner, I figured out that I could plug my iPod into this stereo thing we have in my kitchen...like it plays CDs and has radio and all that, but I found this cord thing so I can plug my iPod into it and it plays my iPod music!!! I was quite excited about that. :D

So during dinner I had my "25 Most Played Songs" going and I was rocking out and all that...well it got to one song and it was kind of like a rap song and I started singing along and doing all that gangsta dancing jawn...haha! So after I finished a verse, mom's just LOOKING at me, and I'm like "What???" and then she starts mimicking me and it was HYSTERICAL. Like...she looked so BIZARRE. Haha! That was funny moment number one...

Now on to number two... (uh oh ;D)

Another song was on and I was just groovin' with it, having a good time...and Sanya looks at me and says, "Rachel...you look like one of those show biz girls" and mom LOSES IT. Like...she took it the BAD WAY...and once she lost it...there was no gettin it back!

So then Sanya's trying to save herself and explain and she goes "Like...you just put on that weird thing" and we're all like WHAT?? and mom's DYING and she tries again and says "You know! You dance all crazy..." and then mom's just gone. Crying. Red in the face. Slapping the table. Oh yeah...it was quite a sight... ;D

So uh yeah...that was my dinner tonight.

And then after dinner, March of the Cute Little Woodsprites came on and I did an interpretive dance to the ENTIRE THING. Best workout of my LIFE!!!!! ;D

TIME TO GO WATCH CHUCK NOW!!!!!!!!

Happy sigh of relief...

"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on"

Long car ride today...

Oh the joys of being in the car for a long time and finding songs on your iPod with the perfect lyrics you needed in the moment.

"How did it come to this?
I think about you all the time
It's no excuse, but I wish
That I never made you cry"

I'm not sorry that it's over
But for the way we let it end
I couldn't find the words to say"

"And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours"

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you


Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this"

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes!!!

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HOMECOMING!!!!!!!!!!!

It was awesome. :D

Went in the morning to help decorate...hah...me and Shep did like nothing...we covered three vending machines with black paper and then spent the rest of the time pretending to do jawn so we didn't have to cut out millions of little paper stars. :P

After that I went and got my hair done, then picked up Jeanmarie (my little freshman marching saxophone buddy), did her hair at my house, then she got picked up...then I ate dinner, put my dress on, did makeup...went to a photoshoot (aka me standing among plants while mom and dad go crazy with the camera ;D) and then zoomed off to Cara's house!!!

Got to Homecoming...gave Shep an awesome purple tie...went in...put our stuff in baggies...gushed over all my friends and how insanely awesome they looked...then went in to dance.

The dance was just...amazing. Like, chill and relaxing and drama free and stress free. At least that's how I felt. Like...all my problems and issues didn't matter for those three hours and I just had an insanely good time singing along to the songs I knew and mouthing nonsense to the songs I didn't. ;D

I discovered the other day that I love political cartoons

In AP English we're doing a project about controversial issues in the news and I picked abortion. This week we had to find a graphic related to our topic and so I started looking at political cartoons...and kept looking at them until the end of the period. They are SO good...like, I just enjoy reading them so much. So here are some that I found that I really liked...

Sidenote: the last one is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE.

Real love...

I AM SO CONFUSED.

Why????

It makes NO sense!!!

Note to Self: I CAN NEVER FORGET THIS

*I pick up phone*

"Hello?"

"Hey...I need to talk to you, can you get on AIM?"

....BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

"King of Anything"

So I was on youtube and just looking around and clicking on a bunch of different random songs, and I found this song called "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. I've never heard it before, and I really liked it...so I thought I'd share in case it's new for you too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPk4_XfYhjg&feature=related

Disclaimer: this song isn't "meant for anyone" and I'm not like mad or anything right now...the song's just catchy and I like the lyrics and all that. But that's it...haha, just thought I'd clarify. ;D

To be perfectly honest...

...tonight when Josh and Sanya were occupied in front of the TV downstairs, I went up to my room, shut the door, changed into my dress for Homecoming, turned on the radio, and danced for like...ten minutes.

No lie.

I felt ridiculously silly.

But it was ridiculously awesome.

BOO. YAH.

I had an angry moment today. An angry moment that made me very happy.

We were playing soccer today in gym and I was on the offense.  Every time I'd get the ball down to the other end near the net, there was this girl on the other team standing there who always ran at me and flailed her legs until she kicked the ball away.

After like the third time that happened, I heard her say something like "Oh yeah! Got it back over there!" which is fine, right? Right.

Well then it progressed from that, to "That's right! Get back on your side!" and "Boo yah! You can't get past me!" and "Oh look she (meaning me) tried again and FAILED!!!" (hah...it's so rude but true...I stink at soccer :P)

This is going on and on and I'm just getting FED UP...like seriously P.O.ed.

So one time as I'm dribbling (aka stumbling) down the court towards the goal, I see her coming and I'm just like...you know what? I'm just gonna kick it right past her and try to get it in the goal...and who cares if it doesn't go in, at least she won't brag about how "nothing gets past her".  So I kicked the ball as hard as I could...and it didn't go in the net. Something EVEN BETTER happened...it smacked her square in the chest.

On the inside I'm screaming YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I ran up to her and asked all sweet and innocently, "Oh my word are you ok??" and she just grunted and glared at me...HAH.

BOO. YAH. INDEED.

"Everything's gonna be all right..."

You know what? Everything will be okay...life will go on...and I will make it fantastic.

Everything that I do reminds me of you

"I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone"

"When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you"

"I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you"

"I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you"

Oh Life...

...thou art complicated.

"100 Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life"

So I was stumbling the other day (of course) and I came across a site that was titled "100 Ways to Uncomplicate Your Life". I read through the entire list and found some that I really liked and that I could try to work on. The list is kinda longuh...so I just picked out my favorites. (If you wanna read it all...it's here: http://livethecharmedlife.com/2010/08/100-ways-to-uncomplicate-your-life/comment-page-1/)

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds
7. Don’t try to be friends with everyone. Cultivate closer relationships with fewer people.
9. Before getting angry, ask yourself if it will really matter in 20 years
10. Focus on being a good person, not on pleasing others
12. Kiss and make up
20. For just one day, imagine everyone’s intentions are good because most people’s are
23. When you have a conflict with someone, talk it out. Don’t let it turn into more than it is.
24. Know what your priorities are in life, and act as if they are your priorities
25. Tell the truth
28. If you’re holding a ridiculous grudge, let it go
31. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry
32. Eat when you are hungry
33. Be yourself
34. Say no unapologetically
45. Avoid drama
49. Refuse to gossip, or talk behind other people’s backs
50. Do the dishes right after dinner
51. Never go to sleep angry
52. Ask nicely for what you need and want
57. Don’t envy others
66. Don’t look for reasons to be angry or sad, look for reasons to be happy. You’ll always be able to find plenty of each.
71. Do what you say you’ll do, when you say you’ll do it
73. Forgive and forget. End of story.
80. Don’t let your imagination run away with you
81. Let go of perfection in others
82. Let go of perfection in yourself
83. Don’t try to help those that refuse to help themselves
86. Drink more water
88. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill
94. Slow down
100. If a relationship is over, let it go

CONTROL FREAK

I. AM. A. CONTROL. FREAK.

I need to control my grades.
I need to control my actions.
I need to control my thoughts.
I need to control my feelings.

I need to control my feelings...BUT I FREAKING CAN'T.

And what's worse? I don't even understand them...

Yaaay...quotes! ;D

If you want to be happy, be. – Leo Tolstoy

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. – Fyodor Dostoevsky

Jumping for joy is good exercise.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. – Robert Brault (AMEN BROTHER!)

Today is a new day.   – Chicken Little

Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path to joy. – Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Who sees the human face correctly...

...photographer, the mirror, or the painter?"

Interesting...

http://www.msethjones.com/rollovers/

I miss you.

The grand essentials of happiness are...

“The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” — Allan K. Chalmers



“The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.” — H.H. the Dalai Lama



“We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.” — Carlos Castañeda

For you, Alice!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYhjBcYnzvU

"Who will make me Mr. A?"
"I!!"
"You?"
"YES!"
"...HOW?"
"...by physical force if necessary."

HAHA!!

Bring "Me" Home...

God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there

I am young
I'm afraid
Let me rest
Heaven blessed.

HE LOVES YOU

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).


As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on His children (Psalm 103:13).

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (Psalm 103:8).

...put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption (Psalm 130:7).

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

...and you know what? I love you too.

This afternoon I sat down at the kitchen table, and spent about an hour reading through my Bible and looking up verses and highlighting my favorites.

It felt amazing to just block out the world for an hour and focus on Him...

What a Dinner!!!

Oh my word dinner was GREAT tonight!!! Ok...I gotta remember all of this...

1. There was a stink bug buzzing and flying around our light above the kitchen table. We all looked up at it really annoyed and Mom was like, "Oh...that fan is DIRTY!!" and I reached behind me and flicked off the light so you couldn't see the dust and then Mom says, "Well...that takes care of that problem!" We then ate the rest of dinner in darkness.
2. We decided I'm invincible! After laughing a bunch about the dust/light off thing, Sanya goes, "This is a healthy dinner!" and we all kinda look at her and she explains "Cause we're all laughing!" and then Josh says, "Yeah...isn't it like everytime you laugh you get an extra year added onto your life?" and everyone was kinda like uh....and then I go, "WELL I GUESS I'M INVINCIBLE!!!" ;D
3. Mom cracked her knuckles and I told her that you shouldn't do that cause then you'll get Alzheimer's...oops...wrong word... :P
4. So this one is gonna be interesting to explain...ok. I had a meatball on my fork and with the fork in my hand, I suddenly raised both my arms up in the air with my other hand in a fist...paused, and then lowered my arms. After Sanya, Mom, and Josh finished laughing at how silly I looked I explained that I was gonna burp and it was gonna be awesome but then it went away...so I lowered my hands...haha.
5. We had spaghetti, meatballs, and buttered toast tonight. When I was eating my toast, I ripped it half and slowly ate the first part.  Well it took me so long to eat it that I forgot I had the second half on my plate. So when I was done eating I got really sad, but then I looked down and gasped, "I HAVE MORE TOAST! I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL GONE! BUT NO THERE'S MORE HERE ON MY PLATE! OH I'M SO HAPPY!!!"...then I commenced with the "Happy happy joy joy" dance... ;D
6. I got another meatball on my fork, and while talking to mom, I swooped my fork to the side and the meatball FLEW off my fork, klonked against the wall and then dropped to the floor.  I started laughing but calmed down after a bit...HOWEVER. MY MOTHER. My goodness...she was DYING! Like tears streaming down her face! Then she got up from the table and like hobbled with a hunchback over to the bathroom...SHE WAS ABOUT TO PEE HER PANTS!!! So she finally makes it to the bathroom...shuts the door...and then starts CRACKING UP ALL OVER AGAIN. Do you know how HYSTERICAL it is to listen to someone laughing while they're in a bathroom???
7. Once she recovered slightly, we all sang "On Top of Spaghetti"...when it got to the last line, "It rolled into the garden, and under a bush, and then my poor meatball...was nothing but MUSH!" I SLAMMED my hand down on the meatball that had flown off my fork...causing another eruption of hysterics.

IT WAS AN AWESOME DINNER. I love my family so much. :D

Procrastination...you goin' DOWN!!!

So you know how a lot of times people say, "Just live in the moment!!!" and stuff like that?

Well I realized something...living in the moment is absolutely perfect, because everything about it encourages procrastination.

Think about it! Why would you NOT procrastinate? So that you don't have as much work later and don't have to spend as much time on it so you divy (I KNOW I have heard that word but I'm just guessing that's how it's spelled? :P) up the work over time.

BUT. If you're living in the moment...you're not thinking about the future or the homework load the next day. You just wanna enjoy the NOW. And who WANTS to do homework in the "now"?

So uh yeah. Boo yah. ;D

Ridiculously AMAZING

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIlkX87FolQ&feature=related

"Again" by Bruno Mars

Loving stuff by this guy!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wJXgqkvB9s&feature=related

Hands over my head thinking what else could go wrong?
Wouldve stayed in bed, how can a day be so long?
Never believed that things happen for a reason
But how this turned out, you moved all my doubts, oh believe
That for you Ill do it all over again
Do it all over again
All I went through, led me to you
So Id do it all over again
For you

I missed the first train, stood out in the rain, all day
Little did I know
When I caught the next train, there you were to sweep me away
Guess thats what I've waited for
Never believed that things happened for a reason
But how this turned out, you moved all my doubts, oh believe
That for you Ill do it all over again
Do it all over again
All I went through, led me to you
So Id do it all over again

(Ohh) Who ever thought a day gone so wrong, would turn out so lovely
Im so glad I found you
Even though the day went so wrong, I wouldnt change a thing (yeah, yeah, oh Ill do it)
Ill do it all over again
Do it all over again
All I went through, led me to you
So Ill do it all over again (yeah, yeah ohh)
Ill do it all over again (Id do it all over, Id do it all over)
Do it all over again (Id do it all over for you, for you)
all I went through, led me to you (all I went through, it led me to you)
so Id do it all over again (over again)

Who ever thought a day gone so wrong, could turn out so lovely ohh
Who ever thought a day gone so wrong, could turn out so lovely

Sam Tsui

So a couples posts ago I wrote about how I love the song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars...well this is a cover for that song (mixed with a little of Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are") and I LOVE IT!!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29RsFUfdWjA&feature=channel (Sidnote: start this around 0:32...and minimize it cause he makes some odd faces at the camera. :P)

Blue Snout...

Background: Awhile ago at the dinner table I was drinking out of my big blue Pepsi cup and someone had said it looked like a snout.

Tonight: I was taking a drink and I think Josh made the comment this time...that it looked like I had a huge snout. And so as a joke, I started making pig noises, like the snorts and stuff. We were all cracking up and then mom whipped out her phone and told me to snort...I THOUGHT she was trying to get a picture (though now I realize why would I have to be snorting for a picture? :P) but no...low and behold she got a video of me...

In one of those "I just watched a cute movie" moods... ;D

“Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t forget it.”

“As you wish.”

“…If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love … I love … I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

"A life without love is no life at all"

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that’s what you’ve given me.”

“I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you”

“If you love someone, you say it, say it right then and there, out loud, otherwise the moment just passes you by.”

So cute. :D

I want..

...you know, I can think of so many ways to end that sentence.

URGH

JENNY YOU ARE IN SUCH BIG TROUBLE.

YOUR POST SCARED THE LIVING POOP OUT OF ME.

I SERIOUSLY HAD A TEAR ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEK JUST AS I WAS SCROLLING DOWN TO SEE THE END OF YOUR POST.

URGH...

Well, just know that my freakout made me realize again how much I deeply love you and miss you and need you and yeah...so uh, yeah, I guess you're off the hook...hehe. :D

If I could, I would totally get this dress for Homecoming...

Sigh...the dreams of the internet. ;D

Why did the chicken cross the road???

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)

Enjoying life SO much right now. :D

Wow.

Woah...never knew that!!!

"I work for an organization called Six Seconds. We’re called “Six Seconds” because of the way emotions work in our bodies. Suppose you’re playing and you break something you like. Here’s what happens in your brain:

The first ¼ second: You begin to pay attention and notice something happened.

Second ¼ second: Your brain begins to decide this is a problem, and produces a bunch of new chemicals.

Next ½ second: The chemicals go flowing into your brain and start going into your blood. These chemicals are messengers causing a whole bunch of different reactions in you (such as, tightening certain muscles, focusing your attention, making you tear up, changing the way you’re breathing).

Next 5 seconds: The chemicals continue to flow through your blood and go everywhere in your body. The emotion messenger chemicals cause different cells in your body to produce new chemicals — so they ripple through you expanding their effect.

After six seconds, the original chemicals are almost all gone. They’ve delivered their messages and you are now reacting to the mistake of breaking that item. Maybe you’re crying and sad, maybe your mad and wanting to blame, maybe you’re shocked and still, maybe you’re wanting to run away. Your reaction depends on how you’ve learned to deal with this flood of chemicals.

But here’s something amazing: Those original feeling chemicals are now gone. If you continue to feel sad/mad/afraid/hurt — whatever — you are actually choosing to re-create more and more of the feeling chemicals. You don’t HAVE to keep reacting. You’re reacting because that’s what you’ve learned to do. You can learn a different way of reacting."

That's YOU!!!

Happy happy joy joy!!!

Today was the best day I've had in a long time.

I was just happy all day...dunno why, I blame my awesome shoes, haha. ;D There's seriously not like a single thing that sticks out and it's like, "Oh, THIS made my day!" Nah...it was just a general good mood.  And then marching band practice was AWESOMEEEEEEEE which of course adds to the amazingness of my day. :D

I think something that helped, was that I thought a lot about being "in the moment".  I read an article the other day about that, how it helps with happiness and enjoying life and all that good stuff.  I dunno if I even did it right, but like...I wouldn't think about what was coming next, or what had happened earlier or anything.  It was just like...oh this is what's happening now, ok sure, this is awsome.  I didn't go looking for a certain person to talk to, I talked with the people that were around me and just "went with the flow" (as my mommy would say...hehe). ;D

I don't think I explained that right...but ah well.  Just know that I had a very good day and I was very happy. :D

True Dat

"The average person tells 4 lies a day, and 1460 a year. A total of 88,000 by the age of 6. And the most common lie is I’m fine.”

Complicated Honesty

Honesty.

For me, it gets complicated when I have to be honest with myself. When I have to really sit down and think through something...like why I feel a certain way, why I reacted the way I did, why something bugs me...all that good stuff.

Well...it's time for some complicated Rachel honesty...

I miss being in a relationship. That was my realization the other day. I REALLY miss having someone to talk to about the littlest things, someone who understands me even when I make no sense at all, someone who is always there, someone who wants to always help...but while I was thinking about that, I also realized that I don't necessarily miss David as being that person.  I don't miss my relationship with HIM, I just miss the relationship...if that makes any sense at all. :P

So in thinking about all that, I also got thinking about how I have this need to feel connected to people. I like being involved in other people's lives and I like sharing my life and myself with them too.  And now that I'm not in a relationship, I feel like I've lost part of that. I'm sharing a whole lot less of myself with less people. And I think that bugs me...like consciously I don't really think about it that way, I just think about how I feel more on the outside and more disconnected and alone, but I think that's what it is. I miss sharing myself and always having that person to share with.

So I've been searching.  Not really for a relationship (the smart side of me knows not to get into one of those for a LONG time), but just...for that connection. Oh and just to clarify, it's not like I'm not connected to anyone anymore. I still feel awesome about the best friends I have and the relationships there, it's just the loss of one huge relationship that I've felt has needed to be filled.

I was thinking about how I feel like there's a hole where my relationship with David used to be...and how I'm looking for ways of how to fill it back up again and FAST, and I took a step back, had an apostrophe, and then was very honest with myself:

My relationship with David took the place of my relationship with God.

And now David's gone, and I have the hole, and I'm trying to fill it. But did I ever think to fill it with God? Not until this point! My word I'm like the classic Sunday School illustration...where there's a picture of a heart and like a specific cut out in the middle where only God fits, even though the person tries to put in TV or friends or whatever...

I need to fix this. I need to get back to the close relationship I had with God before all this. I need to stop searching and doing things on my own. I need to give Him control again. I need to listen to Him again. I need Him to tell me what I should desire, instead of just assuming I know what's best for myself. I need to fall in love with Him again. I just need Him...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
—Proverbs 3:5-6

"The Egg"

http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
Definitely interesting...

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog...why is it so easy to come to you when I'm frustrated and sad? Why do my fingers itch to vent to you...instead of to actual people?

Dear Blog...why do I have so many thoughts in my head? Why is it so hard to keep them organized?

Dear Blog...was that really how it happened? It sure does explain a whole bunch of things...

Dear Blog...how much more confusing can life get???

Dear Blog...I gotta go to bed now. K thanks...bye...