Last night...

So last night...was really rough on me.

I went to youth group with the DK crew (minus BBug), and things were going just as usual---we had worship time and then one of the youth leaders came up, gave a short lesson (I remember it was a really good lesson but after everything that happened I can't remember what it was about...), and then we had a time of prayer.

After that, he announced that Rocsan (one of my really close friends at youth group, I haven't known her long but she's amazing) had something to share with the youth group. So she got up on the stage, and immediately you could tell that something was wrong.

She went on to tell us about how one of her old childhood friends, a boy named Alex, got gang jumped and is now in the hospital in a coma and on life-support. Partly reassuring us and reassuring herself, she told us that he IS getting better, but he still has a long way to go and the family's having trouble covering the costs of the medical bills. She asked that if we had any spare change in our pockets, that we could donate it to the family to help them.

While she was talking, you could hear her trying to keep from crying and that it was really hard for her. I just wanted to run up and give her a big hug...

We all prayed again, for Alex and for his family, then split into small group.

I glanced over to the freshmen girl's booth and Rocsan was sitting their sobbing, surrounded by some of the other girls and her friends. I got over there as fast as I could and just sat next to her, rubbing her back for awhile.

I was amazed...a couple guys came up to our table, took out their wallets, and COMPLETELY EMPTIED THEM. Those guys blew me away, completely blew me away. They didn't even want recognition for the donation, they just quietly put it on the table, patted Rocsan's shoulder, and walked away. There was one guy that was even crying. I love guys who cry...who aren't afraid to show it, who have that kind of COMPASSION for others...those guys amazed me.

We all sat with Rocsan, all quiet, for a long time. She calmed down enough that she could talk and asked if any of us had seen the video. We hadn't. She took us over to the sound booth, brought up the link, and just walked away. She couldn't bare to watch it...

http://www.timesherald.com/articles/2009/05/02/news/doc49fbd2ec97716000632425.txt

I watched the video with the group, and then they began to read the article at the bottom. I looked over towards Rocsan and just couldn't leave her alone like that. So I left the group, walked back to the booth, and just sat and held her for a long time, trying to help her stop shaking and trying to not cry either, I wanted to be strong for her.

After everyone came back, we sat there for awhile and didn't even discuss the lesson. We just couldn't. Rocsan took out a sheet of paper she had with her and asked some questions she had written down, like about guardian angels and if you get a second chance after you die.

Rocsan also shared about one of her close friends....the friend's boyfriend has cancer and tumors all over his body...the doctors expect him to live for this week. This WEEK. WEEK...what if you only had this one week to live? What would you do? Who would you tell that you love them? Or what if you found out one of your close friends only had a WEEK to live? What would you do THEN?

...after awhile we had a group prayer. Well...during the prayer I just LOST IT. I mean...I had tried to keep it in all night, but I just COULDN'T. I'm a very emotional person...and it's really hard for me to see someone else in pain, and not feel sad too or feel some of their pain. It's just...I dunno, it's me. I see someone cry, give me two minutes and I bet you I'll be crying too.

So then Rocsan felt horrible that I was crying so then she gave me a big hug. SHE was the one comforting ME...it was totally backwards...

The group kinda dispersed but I stayed behind and talked with Rocsan and Emily (she was crying too...I'm good friends with her). We went outside and just stood in the rain...it felt really nice...just kinda calmed us all down.

We went back inside and someone mentioned to Rocsan, "The plate we have for you is really getting full." and she just kinda gave a half-hearted smile and kept walking. We got back to our booth and someone else said, "We've raised a lot of money for Alex, the plate is getting really big." She kind of did a double take and was like, "What...plate? I thought you meant you were making a plate of FOOD for me and I was like, huh?" We kinda all laughed and then they brought all the money over and we ALL just started crying again...

Our youth group raised over $230 for Alex. $230! I was amazed...AGAIN.

Then I had to go. Me, DK, and Shep were in the car and I was holding myself together pretty well...I was emotionally drained, and dead tired, but I was doing ok. But then this song came on the radio...it's not the most "sad" song, it's pretty upbeat, but the lyrics got to me and I almost feel apart again...

"I Wish" by Point of Grace
I wish I didn't feel so helpless
I wish I didn't act so selfish
I wish I didn't wring my hands night and day
My hair was a little bit smoother
My jeans fit a little bit looser
And I always knew the right things to say
And I wish I wouldn't hide what's been going on inside
And I wish you wouldn't get scared and run away

Chorus:
I wish I was doing better
With all the things that matter,
I guess I got some learning to do
I wish everyone had someone
To hold em and to love em
The way I'm always gonna love you
I wish wishes came true

I wish there was a cure for cancer
I wish somebody had an answer
And all God's children, never got hurt
I wish Eve never bit that apple
You men never went to battle
And I didn't get so mad at the world
I wish I was more like Jesus
And could pick up all the pieces
And make a better life for my baby girl

Chorus

For everything I am wishing
I know someone up there is listening
So, I say my prayers when I go to bed
I pray my wishes come true

So...if you're reading this, just please PRAY. Pray for Alex, pray for the family, pray for Rocsan and all of those affected by this. And pray for the boys who did this to him...we have to forgive them. I know that personally I REALLY don't want to, but I know I need to....and also pray that people are able to see God throughout all of this, be touched by Him.

I know this week's gonna be rough for me. I took my AP Test this morning and my mind kept going back to Rocsan and her having to be at school, the family, and Alex...still in a coma (but getting better!).

I'm praying for them all...