NOT. HAPPY.

I'm not very happy right now. I'm not mad...just frustrated.

Friendships have to go two ways. It never works out if it's just one person doing all the work. Eventually that person gets tired and weighed down and upset and frustrated and nothing good ever comes from that. You put all of your effort, all of your work and time, all of your love into a person, and all you get in return are one word answers and mostly meaningless conversations?

They'll be there during the good times...but once it turns bad or something happens, it's like they disappear. Oh they'll be there and you'll see them and talk to them, but it just won't be the same.

I'm feeling WATCHED again...it's very very frustrating. Yes, you want to please that person...but have to wonder why. Sometimes you want to be able to talk to that person and know they're being completely honest with you. Sometimes you just want to know that they WILL talk. Sometimes you want some comfort. And sometimes you just really want a FRIEND.

I'm so confused...what am I supposed to do with them? I get so FRUSTRATED and so UPSET...it feels like a game. And it's a STUPID game---"I'm really upset...I don't want to talk about it....why didn't you MAKE me talk to you about it? If you really cared you'd keep asking until I told you...why did you give up?"

And contradictions! They drive me INSANE! But what's worse is when you point it out and they just flat-out ignore that you said anything.

You know what else I hate? BLACK AND WHITE. Not the colors...but just the perspective of seeing things---do you see it in gray, or black and white?

I just don't know how to be your friend anymore. I don't. Nothing's working.

I heard someone say that friendship is like building a bridge. There's two people separated by a huge gap, and to get to one another, they each have to build their half of the bridge. Well, I feel like I've built my share and plenty more, while you're just sitting over there watching me do all the work, demanding more.

It feels like you want me to be YOUR friend, but you're not willing to be MINE.

And oh---it's perfectly ok and fine and wonderful to talk about all MY problems and everything I'm going through, you'll listen then. But if we even get CLOSE to talking about things you're going through and the problems YOU have, you don't listen!! You don't share anything, and then you don't listen to anything I have to say. That's what it feels like and it's annoying.

I don't understand you at all and you're not making any effort to help me in any way.

Compare relationships to a heavy burden (ok that sounds bad but stick with me here)...each person gets half and they bear it together, working out things, communicating, sharing the load so it's not as hard on the other person. Well right now, I'm carrying my half AND I'm picking up your slack!

Right now, you're letting me down. Being with you is not making me happy.

Wow, this is really choppy...but it's really late at night and I'm really upset. Sorry.

“Tell me of a time when all this gray wasn't such a fight. A road I'd stay on for so long. How long have I been this way? I'm so addicted to feeling guilty. Like the edge of a cliff, it's about to kill me.”

“There’s so much on my mind lately, I can’t make out my own thoughts anymore. I don’t know where one begins and the other ends, I wish that I could push a button and turn it all off, just for a little while. Long enough to take a breath.”